Last year I discovered this fabulous term called simmering in “Love Worth Making” by Stephen Snyder, M.D. It is used to describe intentional romantic/erotic play to keep the love alive in a long term relationship.

Snyder comments that one of the tragedies that occurs when a couple have been together for a while is that romantic/erotic interactions only occur for the sole purpose of leading to sex. Simmering is about playing for play’s sake, with no end game in mind.

For busy people, this can be a HUGE game-changer. Any time–whether it’s over coffee in the morning, saying goodbye on the way to work, waiting in line, having lunch, cooking dinner, putting the kids to bed–is an opportunity to simmer. Kiss, caress, give a quick (or extended) hug, pet (but not too heavy), flirt, tease. Basically… forget about everything else for a few moments and act like teenagers in love (which looks like 🤢🤮 to anyone else, but to them it’s beautiful 😘).

Try it, I dare you. It certainly makes for stimulating moments every day. 😘

If you get the opportunity, read Love Worth Making. It’s a very well-written book with some very insightful ideas and advice for those seeking to make love last. ❤️

And now, here’s a little musing about simmering… 🥰

finding opportunities every day to keep romance simmering



in the kitchen

while I’m making dinner for us all

you come up beside me

drag your nails across my back

sending shivers

I turn

you smile and walk away


in the lounge room

we’re all watching tv

I put my hand on your leg

slide my up your thigh

subtle touch just next to

where you want me to touch you

you shudder

and start to rise

I wink and withdraw


I love how we are

finding little opportunities

to keep the romance


every day


Simmering means taking a quick moment to feel excited with your partner, even under conditions where sex is not going to be practical.

Excerpt from: “Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship” by Stephen Snyder, M.D.
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